Let old aquaintance.............

The year end approaches and for me a time to reflect on the past year and to look forward to the new year with optimism and a positive attitude (hopefully)

2010 hasn't been the best year I ever had, there were two bereavements to deal with and my mother was diagnosed with a serious illness.

Which really puts into perspective how petty and really unimportant SL mini dramas and annoyances are.

We lose ourselves in the make believe world of SL, things that are really nothing become something and we forget how to be grown ups and become parodies of ourselves.

Until quite recently I have managed to avoid the drama llama culture of SL, I thought I was immune to it and could spot a 'situtation' and nip in in the bud before it manifested into the D word.

I was wrong and ended up smack bang in the middle of drama central. I would like to say I rose above it, but alas I did not. I wont go into the gory details here but suffice to say it's an old story and one that thrives in SL.

This was a post that I had to write today.When you wake up at 4am thinking about a situation which is happening in a CARTOON WORLD  then Oh My Gosh! it's really really time to draw a line under it.

Happy New Year.

30days of Truth-Day 26

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I have like most people had some extremely dark times during my life.

I have suffered on and off with depression for a few years and at times have been very very low/sad, but even during these dark days I have never thought about giving up on life primarily because of my son and also because life is precious and a one time deal.

Life is short, seize the day and all that and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

30days of Truth-Day 25

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I am not sure what to make of this question. is it a deep soul searching question? or is it a more literal question? I am really not sure.

I am alive because my heart keeps beating?

I am alive because I am needed and loved?

I am alive because a mummy and a daddy fell in love and got married and made a little baby?

Have I ever thought about not being alive? Yes of course I have.

Have I ever thought about ending my own life? hmm not seriously thought about it No

So my final answer is, the reason I believe I am alive today is because I woke up this morning and yay! I was alive.

30 Days of Truth-Day 24

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Oh and I DID post the actual songs but there you go. I enjoyed putting this together.

Dear NI

I put together a playlist for you, the songs maybe don't mean much to you but they do to me, they represent bits of the journey we took together, and it's some of the music I listened to.

Anyway listen, don't listen, take it the wrong way, take it the right way etc.



Playlist for Ni

Never forget you-The Noisettes
The reason I chose this track is simple,refer to title.

Michael Jackson-Earth Song
Possibly one of the only songs that we both like so it's special.

Take That-Patience
Yeah I know Take That Yikes! but they are great lyrics and I listened to it a lot lately.

James Blunt-Goodbye my lover
No explanation needed these are some of the most beautiful lyrics I ever heard.

Kylie Minogue-Can't get you out of my head
Yep Yep.


Katy Perry-Hot N Cold
The theme tune of me and you :) both guilty as charged.

Scouting for Girls-This is not a love song
Listened to this when I was sulking mostly lol

Quote of the Week

Weekly quote time again.

She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.
Henry James

30days of Truth-Day 23

Something you wish you had done in your life.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I wish I had tried harder period.

Lazy is my middle name and probably should be my first and last name too, all hail Ms Lazy Lazy Lazy *makes a quick lacklustre curtsy and slinks off to contemplate her naval.

Home alone

One of my oldest RL & SL friends Flick logged in last night for the first time in a very long time. It was so nice to 'see' her in SL again.

We had a great conversation which ranged from the really emotional RL stuff to the whereabouts of SL people we both used to know.

We talked about how difficult it is now to engage or meet new people in SL and even though there are a massive amount of people logged into the grid sometimes our IM boxes remain ominously silent. Where are all these people?  apart from the clubs where are they hiding?

Our avatars are roughly the same age, 3ish years and we reminisced fondly about our days as newbies in formal wear at Phatcats (is that still open? I will check).  Oh how busy we were.

I remember going to Phatcats with Miss Flicky both of us juggling multiple IM's and participating in a wicked funny conversation in local at the same time, we were busy busy popular girls *sighs.

Fast forward to last night, I had only my friend in my IM box, I was standing in a SL club she in a SL forest, no wicked funny local, no bombardment of IM's.

What I want to know is how and why this has happened? I have spoken to other people in world who relate similar things to me.

Do we become more anti social? do we become less interesting? I don't believe we do.

If anyone has any thoughts/solutions to this please let us know, I will be the one home alone on a pose stand adjusting prims and Flicky will be the one looking in her inventory for something to wear, while standing in an elven forest.

30Days of Truth-Day 22

Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

*Scratches head...I need to think about this one a while longer.........to be continued.

Takes a deep breath and plunges right in.

The biggest something I wish I hadn't done was leave school with only basic qualifications. I was a little bit clever and a lot lazy and I wanted out of education.

It is without doubt the most stupid decision I have ever made.

I went back into education a couple of years after that but I always felt like a bit of an interloper as most of my peer group had moved on.

I always felt like I was playing catch-up academically which is probably in my own head but there you go, that is what I wish I had not done.

Ok I have to write this. Something else I am coming to regret doing is visiting SL that first time, the mind boggles at the amount of time I have spent/wasted in world.

Yep I know it's a contradiction to diss SL on a blog about well SL, but hand on heart I bet there are a few of us S'Lifers who wish they had never set foot in the place.

I make no apologies for my bah humbug attitude, I am kinda rolling like that lately.

30Days of Truth-Day 21

I am slipping behind again on this challenge.
(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

This is quite a poignant subject for me today as I have recently had a fight with a very good friend. 

I am a stubborn person by nature and as I wrote early on in this challenge I can be very single minded and strong willed.

Firstly how bad was the fight? a little tiff or a knock down, drag out, shake the plaster off the walls argument. That would have some bearing (possibly maybe) on the situation. I know it shouldn't make a difference but it sometimes does..

I would hope I could forget the fight and rush straight to my injured friend and there is a 95% chance I would do that, but some fights are just so awful and they cut you so deeply that it's difficult to let them go. 5% of me thinks I would not go, this is the 5% I really hate about myself.

The other thing to bear in mind is if the fight was really bad would the injured friend want you there. Imagine if I rushed right over and then my friend didn't want me there or I made things worse by upsetting them.

If this was the case and they didn't want me there I would check they were OK and leave.

My first reaction to this question was of course I would go to see them, but after some honest thought I don't know if it's as simple to answer as that.

Game On..

I had an interesting day in SL today. I was at home minding my own business prim fiddling as usual when a friend of mine Lolly sent me a tp to go duck racing. I was total rubbish at it but I had a huge giggle, so Thank you Lolly. No ducks were harmed in the writing of this post :)

After the duck racing (well duck race losing in my case) I started playing Tiny Empires, and woot I love it so far I  haven't taken my eyes off the hud yet.

I am part of the Queendom of True Colors who are a very friendly bunch of people who made me feel right at home even though I had no clue what was happening at first.

I really needed something new to do and It's a way to meet new people too.

Thanks to Lolly and Sniffy for making me feel so welcome.

30days of Truth-Day 20

Ever onwards and we arrive at day 20.

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Alcohol is a drug and can be equally as destructive as any other drug.

Personally I have no problem with alcohol in moderation but the important phrase there is I have no problem.

For some people alcohol is a huge problem either as a alcoholic or a binge drinker.

My own Father was a functioning alcoholic which means he didn't lay in a gutter drinking cheap booze he held down a job, went about his life but ALWAYS with alcohol in his system, he lived this way and died this way his death certificate read like a text book entry of medical reasons not to abuse alcohol.

I have little empathy for substance misuse blame the person who sells the drug if you like but ultimately it is about saying NO in the first place.

We need more substance misuse education and information for our children, we need more stringent policing and most importantly we need to stop the drugs getting to the streets.

I could go on (and on) about this subject, I doubt there will ever be a solution to drug and alcohol abuse, people will keep doing it and  lives will continue to be destroyed.

Faster than a speeding bullet (and more deadly)

I recently split with my partner greenie, a lot of awful things were said and me being me shot off like a speeding bullet crossed with a hurricane and deleted every mention of him I could lay my trembling little fingers on.

In hindsight this was wrong and a very hurtful thing to do to someone I care about.

This is not a ploy to make amends as I fear that ship has long sailed it is a public apology to greenfly. I was wrong honey I should not have gone off half cocked deleting things does not delete you from my head or my heart.

I really do wish you well and hope that one day we can be friends again.

30Days of Truth-Day 19

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

My flippant response to those questions would be, NOT MUCH!

I don't want to talk about religion here nor do I want to particularly talk about politics. Two guaranteed subjects to upset or enrage people so I am not saying much about either of them. My religion and politics are nobodies business but my own.

I will say a couple of things though about British politics,  it's corrupt and ineffective (like most all politics are) on so many levels.

So if you came looking for a high brow post debating the pros and cons of religion and politics I am afraid you came to the wrong blog. Is this is a cop out? yeppers!

Quote of the week

I really like quotes I am constantly impressed with how wise some people are. With that in mind I am going to try to find a quote that strikes a chord with me and post it here.

It has been said 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind (protecting it's sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Lazy blogger

I am a lazy blogger I am relying too heavily on the 30 days of Truth challenge. I don't need to think about what I am going to blog because it is a safety net I suppose.

I do have things in mind to write about but they are not formulated enough in my head to put fingers to keys so until then (unless something fabulous happens) this blog will remain thin in content.

30days of Truth-Day 18

Your views on gay marriage.

I know quite a few people who are gay (please don't call them gay people, this seems to make the gay part more important that the people part in my opinion) 

A person sexuality is their own business who they choose to desire or love is nobodies concern but theirs.

If two people are in love and want to marry they should have the absolute right to do that regardless of their sexuality.

Every couple should have the chance to stand up in front of friends and family (and in a church if they wish) and celebrate their love and committement to each other by taking part in a legal marriage ceromony.

I know many people will disagree with my point of view but this is my blog and my 30 days of truth.

30days of Truth-Day 17

A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

My mother was an avid reader and there were always paperbacks in my home to which I paid no attention. I liked to be read to as a child but didn't read for pleasure. Every Christmas I would receive a book and every boxing day I just put it carefully on the shelf in my bedroom where my books lived unread.

When I was about eight or nine I was investigating a bookshelf one boring afternoon and I noticed the only hard backed book my mother owned it looked old so I took it off the shelf to see what it was.

The book was Little Women by Louisa M Alcott written inside was my mothers name in a child like scrawl. I asked her what it was and she told me it was a book she had at school.

I don't know why I began reading this book but almost immediately I became enthralled by the goings on of the March family, maybe because it was about a family of sisters and I only had a stinky tormenting little brother.

For the first time in my life I enjoyed reading, I could imagine the sisters in their house, I cried when Beth died, I willed Jo to marry Laurie. I can't remember how long it took me to read the book,when I got to the back page I saw a list of other books written by Louisa M Alcott and there began my love of reading.

It's not a work of literary genius it is a children book that was written in 1868, it didn't change my views on anything profound but it did change my view on reading and learning and most importantly of all that I had a creative and powerful imagination.

30days of Truth-Day 16

Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Ah an easy truth, yay! I could fill this blog with things I can definitely live without. Below is a selection from the book  'Asia is a miserable sod' (paperback edition)

Real Life:

• Cold weather
• Crowds
• Rude people
• Alarm clocks
• Waiting in for repair men who never show up
• Queuing
• People knocking on my door to sell me stuff

 Second Life:

• Lag
• Face lights (that can be seen from space)
• Cliques
• Ghetto Speak
• Begging
• Gesture spamming 

I do believe I am caught up now.

30days of truth-Day 15

Half-way mark 15 down and 15 to go.

Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I could live without any possession if I had to.To say that we can not live without an object is ludicrous, we miss things sure, but can learn to not have that possession with us e.g  if I no longer had access to the Internet I would initially miss it, but overtime I would become accustomed to not having that.

I have thought in the past that there were certain people I could not live without, but then when I did have to live without them I found that I could.

Some of these questions are tough and I am having more and more difficulty in answering honestly without revealing things I really don't want to share publicly. I will continue on to the end of the challenge.

Pride

Is pride the deadliest sin of all?

30days of Truth-Day 14

 A hero that has let you down.

It would be too easy to cite my Dad as the hero who let me down (although he did).

I always looked up to my brother even though he is younger than I am.  He let me down years ago I suppose. We had a big fight over something his wife said to my son, it got really nasty both my brother and I have shocking tempers, he said some cruel things to me.  We did not talk to each other for about 9 months and I was so very disappointed he had turned on me in that way.

Thank Goodness we made up, but I do have to admit the relationship has never gotten back to where it as prior to the argument. Just realised I haven't done this in letter form as stated on the official list, ah bugger it I am not going back now to rewrite it.

30days of Truth-Day 13

I am still playing catch-up with 30 Days of Truth.

Moving swiftly on to Day 13-A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.



Dear M People
Thank you for getting me through some emotional times. I love the lyrics of many of your songs but particularly 'One Night In Heaven' and 'Moving On Up'

At that time I could relate so much to what your music and lyrics were about and in all honesty I have shed a few tears cuddled in my bed listening to M People.

The lyrics of your songs are still as poignant today as they were then.

I apologise for not listening lately but now I have remembered how much I loved your stuff I am going to find out my old CD and relive the times I spent with you.

I miss you guys
Asia xx

30days of Truth-Day 12

Something you never get compliments on.

Ahhh so many things (modest much!!)

In my experience we all need validation and a bit of recognition that what we are, or do is appreciated by others.

Personally I do need compliments as I don't have confidence in much of what I do.

Naming one thing you don't get complimented on is a bit like saying look at me look at me compliment me compliment me.

Finally onto day 12.

Hello my name is Asia Romano and I never get complimented on how loyal I am. Apologies if this makes no sense to anyone who is reading this blog (waves to you) I know what I mean and as I am the typist for this blog I am standing by that.

I am going now to eat some hot buttered toast and plan the rest of my day of idleness.

Arctic!

Setting the scene, I am sitting in my house staring out of the window at approximately 10" of snow, very beautiful but brrrrrr very cold.

I am having a PJ day I can't go anywhere and house cleaning is looking less and less appealing so today I am going to write on my blogs, log into SL do some shopping and eat what I like, someone can roll my process food bloated body out into the snow later.

Yesterday my circumstances changed in SL therefore today is a I don't give a flying $%£! day also.

30days of Truth-Day 11

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

This is a toughie too, there is a fine line between saying what people like about you and just plain old bragging. Do I talk about compliments regarding a physical attribute or compliments about other things? So I will do one of each.

The main compliment I get in real life is that I have nice eyes and I am witty.

The main compliment I get in SL is that I have great style and er well witty.

Quick and as painless as I could make it.

30days of truth-Day 10

I am feeling less than great at the moment anyway moving swiftly on.

Into double digits I am sooooo far behind on this challenge now. I am pulling a double (or treble, depending on how by brain holds up)

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

I am struggling to think of someone who is in my life that I don't want there.

I have no problem removing people from my life when it's called for. If they don't belong there for whatever reason they are gone. I have been called single minded and callous on several occasions.

This is not the most endearing facet of my personality but it is what it is.

With very few exceptions, I don't regret meeting the people who have passed in and out of my life.

I am undecided about how prudent including the next paragraph is, but this is 30 days of truth so it will stay for now.

One of the exceptions is someone I don't know. I met this person once and I wish with every inch of my being that I had never laid eyes on him and yes I am desperate to forget he ever existed.

30days of truth-day 9

Someone you did not want to let go, but just drifted.

There have been too many people in my life who I never wanted to let go. But for one reason or another I drifted away from, or they drifted away from me.

There are lots of reasons we let people we love and care about drift away from us and no definitive answer as to why.

Our lives are in a constant state of flux, people change, lives change, the common bond that drew you to a person may no longer be there for one or the other of you.

Time! I always think there is more time, I will ring/go see them.... later, tomorrow, definitely next week, when I am less busy, when they are less busy, when the kids go back to school, after my vacation, at Christmas, for sure to wish them Happy New Year....the list is endless and as the saying goes 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'

It's part of the human condition, we drift away from people because we are lazy and self centered and assume that the friendship or relationship will tick along as it is, was with no effort on our parts.

Do I miss some of my 'drifted' people? Yep! Will I ever let it happen again? Probably so.

30days of truth-day 8

I have really had to think about day 8. There have been a few people, who at the time I considered were making my life hell, looking back I see now that they weren't they were just giving me a hard time.

There was one person who kept coming back to mind, who at the time set out to humiliate and upset me and generally send my life to hell in a hand basket.

He was a teacher who taught me French when I was 12 years old, he detested me from the moment he laid eyes on me.

In my first year of senior school I was a bright eager little thing who enjoyed her lessons particularly learning to speak another language ( I think it may have helped that I had a little crush on the tall dark and adorable French teacher) subsequently I tried really hard and came top of the class in my end of year exams.

My second year of senior school started and the pupils were moved from mixed ability classes to ability based groups and as I had done well in the French exam I was put into the top group.

When the first class of the new term started I noticed it was full of children who I didn't know well and I felt vulnerable and unsure of myself. Mr Phipps (yes I will name and shame you) came into the class and my trip to hell began.

Our first task was to tell the class in English what we had done that summer (and for homework write it out in French). The furthest I had been that summer was my grandmothers house(divorce x no money + mum at work = no vacation to write about). Joy oh joy he chose me to go first. I innocently started to tell him about my summer holidays and how I had gone on bike rides with my brother, gone to see my grandmother, the look of distaste on his face was so evident I thought I had misunderstood what he had wanted me to talk about.

He cut me off after about 5 minutes of talking and said 'Let us move on to someone who actually had a summer break this year' I didn't know what I had done wrong. Most of the other children in the class then went on to talk about going to France or Spain etc. during the school break

It was downhill from there, he would single me out to speak in French and then belittle my pronunciation and accent, my homework was ripped apart and covered in the dreaded teachers red pen comments, he often reduced me to tears and wouldn't let me go to the bathroom to wipe my face or dry my eyes. I remember sitting with my head on the desk crying.

I really do believe he delighted in humiliating me in front of the class. I think he disliked me simply because I was not part of a 'go abroad type family with a mummy and a daddy'.

This went on for the full school year. The year end exams rolled round again and le diable was not there, he had had to go into hospital or something (my voodoo doll must have worked ) another teacher came in to moderate the spoken part of the french exam.

Surprisingly I did quite well again. The results were given to us on the last week of the school term by which time my tormentor was back.

He read out the results and said to the whole class "coming fifth from top this year is........... and laughed giving the class a knowing smile he added "maybe we should ask for a recount eh class, as this can't be right now can it?"

I would like to say that he apologised profusely for doubting my intelligence and that the year ended on a concilliatory tone but alas it did not.

The following year I was not in his class and things returned to normal for me but I will never forget how he made my life a total hell that year.

If your still out there, still torturing young girls RETIRE!

30days of truth-day 7

I am falling behind on this challenge and don't want to, so without further ado here is day 7, 'Someone who has made your life worth living for '

It's a no brainer, the person who made my life worth living and continues to do so on a daily basis is my one and only son.

Indulge me and I will give you a little back story.

I was only 18 when I became pregnant and not to mince words I was verrrrrry shocked, blame this on the contraceptive pill and anti-biotics, nobody told me that one actually cancels out the other.

I remember the moment he was conceived- yeah I know it sounds strange but I really do. It was one of those morning romps (don't worry it wont get anymore graphic than that) and afterwards I remember thinking hmm what just happened there? I felt all glowy and off balance.

Fast forward three weeks and something that should have arrived didn't. Panic set in, what the heck was I going to do with a baby? I didn't like babies, I liked being with my bf and shopping for clothes and going clubbing. Two more months ticked by of denial and thoughts of oh it's not true, I am just tired/stressed/insane/not pregnant..but indeed I was.

Once the initial shock had worn off I watched in fascination as my bump grew but I felt somehow detached from it, yes! I was pregnant but it seemed to be happening to someone else. At about 7 months I had a scare and was taken into hospital, it was then I knew just how much I loved this baby and how desperate I was to meet him/her.

Finally the day came and he was born, they wiped him off and put him on my chest his eyes were wide open and looking at me. I recognised him and fell instantly in love with that tiny little person- that was my boy, my son my everything.

Every day is a blessing with my son he warms my heart with his smiles, he makes me laugh so much, it's why I get up in a morning why I go to work to give him everything I never had, my heart beats in rhythm with his.

This child changed my life, made me a better person, someone I could love unconditionally and who loved me back in return, he is an amazing boy and I love him, so thank you 'J' for choosing me to be your mum.

30days of truth-day 6

What I hope I never have to do is, outlive my child, nothing more to add.

3 years and counting.

That's Asia looking fabulous in December 2007 at PhatCats

Today 24th November 2010 is my third rez day.

I have been reflecting about my time in Second Life, no great insights or wise words I am sorry to say. So instead I am going to write a mini Asia bio.

Asia is technically my alt. My first avatar crashed into SL in July 2007. I made Asia, because at the time I was being semi hassled (babies first stalker :p) by some random bloke and I also thought I was an expert avatar maker at this point (ah the young... so confident so..... FULL OF IT) and I wanted to try to make another avi. The idea was that I would delete my first avatar and just bring Asia to SL.

I thought the name Asia Romano was just cute now I get asked, Are you Asian? nope!, Are you Italian? again nope!

This idea went the same way as most of my brilliant and cunning plans-nowhere! I periodically dusted Ms Romano off and let her out of her darkened room for a while but I remained tied into my first avatar (not telling you her name).

Close friends knew Asia was not my main girl, and had both my main and Asia in their friends list.

In September 2009 I had a parting of the ways with my then SL partner and I didn't come to SL for a while, when I returned I found I was not comfortable with my main (still not giving you a name) so I pulled Asia out again, gave her a tic bath, cut her toenails and reintroduced her to the big wide world.

As the months went by I tried a couple of times (yesterday being the last time) to bring my original girl into SL and it doesn't feel right anymore. I will never delete Ms July 2007 but at this point I can't ever see me going back to her either.

Asia is me now and long may she remain so, I like her she is a sassy girl.

A couple of lines to say Thank you to the people who have been with me for parts of my SL journey in no particular order: (real names used in some cases to protect the innocent lol)

• Greenie (my honey bunny)
  
• Spirit
• Barney
  
• Flicky
• Liam
• Mich
• Dylan
• Steve
• Rob
  
• Night
• Lee

I feel like I am giving an acceptance speech for an Oscar :)

30days of truth-day 5

There are many things I want to do, some more achievable than others so in no particular order here are the highlights:

• Live by the ocean
• Swim with dolphins
• Trace my family tree
• Bring my family closer together
• Live in a warm climate
• Be a better daughter
  
• Learn to cook better
• Learn another language
• Leave a legacy for my son
  

A varied list and there are more but that will suffice for now.

30days of truth-day 4

I have to forgive someone who let me down very badly at a time I really needed them, they doubted me at a time when I really needed their support.

Outwardly and as far as they are concerned it's all in the past. I have not forgiven this person and I really need to.

In retrospect I see how difficult it was for this person to understand the situation although this does not take away the fact that when I needed them they were not there for me.

I need to forgive them but if I am being brutally honest I am not sure I can.

30days of truth- day 3

On to day 3 of the 30 days of truth blogger challenge-Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have a lot of guilt and unresolved feelings attached to my Dad

He died a few years ago. We did not have the closest of relationships because he lived quite a long way from me and because he, like many other men, seemed to forget his children after a divorce, but I really loved my dad and would bend over backwards to try to make him happy and proud of me when I saw him.. My dad had his own personal demons which sometimes effected how he spoke to and treated me.

Things happened, we argued over the phone and the relationship became even more strained,(as my mother tells me I am my Fathers daughter both extremely stubborn) and for two years I hardly spoke to my Dad.

One day I got the call everyone dreads, he was very ill and that I should get to him as quickly as I could. I raced up to Scotland as fast as I could,my Dad was so ill, I almost didn't recognise him. I tried to talk to him but he was heavily sedated and really didn't say much to me at all, I wanted to tell my dad I loved him, but I didn't, shortly afterwards my dad died and I never got to tell him that.

I felt guilty about it for years, did he die not knowing I still loved him ?

Time is a great healer but I miss my dad every day I need to forgive myself for not letting him know that one last time. Deep down in my heart I know he did.

I Miss you very much Dad and I love you xx

30 days of truth-day 2

Hmm, chews pen, scratches head, looks out of the window at a cat skulking across her garden, wonder where he is going? how cool would it be if cats could talk, why don't cats have cool little tartan coats like dogs do? (daydreaming police intervention here SNAP out of it) OK! day 2 what I love about myself.
(note from Editor, she is stalling)

This is a toughie but I have had a good rummage about, turned over a few dusty boxes and found something I think. I love my sense of humour and my ability to make people laugh.

Apparently even as a child I could make my mother laugh until she cried and now my son does the same thing for me. I have a very dry sense of humour which is not to every ones taste, but for the people who share my sense of humour I am a complete hoot. I don't tell jokes I would say it's more observational humour

I love to hear people really really laugh to the point where they are out of control if I can make someone laugh like that it lightens my heart.

Not as tough as I thought it was going to be, surely not many of us are comfortable thinking about what we love about ourselves, but that is another post for another day.

30 days of truth (Day 01)

While prowling round the interwebnet I stumbled across chloe's blog . I don't know if this is meant to be a blogger challenge but it piqued my interest, so if it wasn't apologies Chloe, and if it was yay!! count me in.

The challenge(assuming it is) is to write something everyday for 30 days, below are the topics:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Something I hate about myself.

I really hate my total lack of self confidence. This has impacted massively on my life.

As a younger woman say in my late teen to early twenties I had so much confidence I could have bottled it and sold it to other people, I was fearless, nothing phased me or intimidated me, no situation had my palms sweating or me looking for excuses to not go/try/accept.

Then somewhere along the middle twenties I noticed feelings of self doubt creeping in I began to worry about not being good enough or clever enough to the point where I would not even put myself into situations where I felt judged or measured.

I have tried a couple of things to try and rid myself of this, I have taken confidence building classes, I have read books both of which gave me some useful self help techniques but I still battle everyday with feelings of inadequacy and low self worth.

In more rational moments I know I am quite an intelligent and a capable woman and when I take a step back to look at the situation I can see how ludicrous it is.

So whoever stole my mojo, can I have it back please.

Nod and smile

I am not the most outspoken person you are ever going to meet, I sometimes say very little.

In both RL & SL this has been misconstrued as being stuck-up, distant, anti social etc, none of which is true, the simple fact of the matter is I find it really difficult meeting new people, I am not one of those people who can converse with complete strangers easily. In RL situations I do a lot of smiling and nodding along with the conversation simply because I don't feel that I can contribute with confidence. In SL situations I fall back on the :) and the yeah, it's not because I am not interested in what the person is saying it is because I don't feel confident enough to chip in. I am an expert in type-backspace-type-backspace, shall I shan't I hit send?

If I admit to being shy/uncomfortable in these situations the standard response is yeah right you are so not shy (er yeah I am)

I have recently been introduced to my SL partners nearest and dearest, who are lovely people and who I really do want to get to know and therein lies the rub, how do I gauge this ? do I pounce on their IM window and say' hey how are you?' the second they log in (and appear to be stalker gal-needy much!) or do I stay in my comfort zone and come across as little miss aloof?

My total fear and it borders on phobia if I am being honest is to be seen or thought of as pushy and in peoples faces.

So there it is kiddies,I am not stuck up I just am a little bit uncertain and timid with new relationships, friends and acquaintances, give me time and I will talk/type your ears off.

Free Style

I love a bargain, and this past weekend I grabbed the mother of all bargains.

Those fabulous people at Lelutka gave us not one, not two or even three but four plus -zero cash down, zero repayment beauties.

The coat, shoes, and trousers were part of the Halloween give away, and the hair is one of the hunt gifts in the Avenue mini hunt (one style for the boys there too).

The coat and trousers were the men's Halloween gift, but the coat is resize and I think it works out ok. Lelutka style for free, can't beat that.

The Halloween gifts are gone now but the hair is still available, so run don't walk to Lelutka

http://slurl.com/secondlife/AVENUE%20at%20GOL/173/96/22

and grab yourself some Lelutka goodies.

To and Fro

growing closer, pulling back
happy fearful, high and low
truth and doubt, here and now
always more, moving on
special moments, fateful days
will it wont it, to and fro
stepping on, stepping out
start and stall high and low
love you honey-Yes I know

It's a small world..........after all

First let me get that annoying song out of my head.

In RL I live quite a small life, work, home, family, blah blah and I kind of realised I also live a small live in SL too.

This is a rather unsettling thought, as I remember logging into SL and realising the scope of the place and how I could be looking at or doing something different most days.

Fast forward almost Three years and my Second life is as predictable as the First one.

I don't know how to end this post so I wont.

Back to RL I go.

Size doesn't matter (but of course it does)

Last night I logged in and as always I wanted to change clothes, to my complete HORROR my inventory was reading 11000-I blinked and looked again 11000k huh??

Where were my boots? Where was my beloved skin folder? this couldn't be happening to me.

I went straight to Google and typed in Where the £$!%^& has my inventory gone? (yes I am an expert Boolean string search type person) Google search brought up results such as:

• Good grief woman, they are not real boots
• Get a life you sad cow
• I saw a Linden selling your shoes on QVC

After spontaneously combusting and throwing myself around the room for several minutes I found a result about clearing your cache What!?!?! hadn't I lost enough cash without clearing more (note from Editor-Cache and Cash are not the same word you moron)

Sobbing uncontrollably I peeped back at Second Life, and followed the instructions to the letter, OK I was comfort eating a Magnum but apart from that it was to the LETTER!..I tell you.

I chewed my nails down to my knuckles waiting for my inventory to reload-the tension was too much and I collapsed face down onto my Magnum, a friendly psychiatric doctor was just passing by (how lucky was that?) and he recounted to me later I was twitching and calling out No! No!, Maitreya, Bax, Lelutka..don't leave me, I will be a good girl, no more bitching about lag or rezzing naked with a daffodil up my..well you get the picture.

After a quick wipe round my face with a tear sodden Magnum wrapper, I closed one eye and squinted with the other at my now loaded inventory anddddd Thank You Our Lady of Prim Toes it was all there, all my babies returned to me, and the glorious number of items??? nope I wont tell you that, never ask a lady her weight, age or inventory size.

Show & Tell

Today girls and boys we are going to talk about feelings.

What is another word for feelings Amber?

..Err is it emotions, Miss Romano?

Well done Amber that's right.

Sometimes children, it can be difficult to show our emotions to other people.

How could we let someone know how we feel without saying the actual words children?

Miss Miss?

Yes Blue?

Maybe we could draw or make them a picture ?

That is an excellent answer Blue,yes children we could let people know what we are feeling by using a picture to show them.

Pick up your crayons or paste and pictures girls and boys and please make me a picture to let me know how you are feeling this afternoon.

.....and Amber you don't need to hold two crayons at once now do you? you

can only use one at a time.

Sorryyyy Miss Romano :)

The late Asia Romano!

I stayed up until stupid o'clock in SL last night/this morning, it's a very long time since I did that and it kinda reminded me of my noobie days.

This morning when the alarm leaped to life my arm moved at ninja speed to turn it off, but noooo! unbeknown to me the alarm clock had cunningly moved it's snooze button sometime during the wee hours of the a.m.

Was the late night worth all this bed-head eye-bag angst?? You know I suspect it was.

Self Indulgent Post

Empty Arms

So many happy memories

I crave your indulgence, I need to wallow, to get come kind of closure (ick hate that expression).

Once upon a time in SL, I was in a very meaningful relationship with an amazing guy, 18months of loving and laughing, we explored our virtual world and we were happy. SL was our world, we lived together, we played together, we loved together.

But it ended, quite a while ago now and I have been half a person since then. He is never coming back, and I need to move on.

We had a favorite place in SL, it is where we had some of our most intimate and loving moments, a couple of days ago I went back for the first time and to say Goodbye finally to my sweetheart.

I wrote this while watching a very sad pixle girl wander about an empty sim.

Final Goodbye

Today I did something I thought I could or would never do again, I visited a very special place in Second Life.

For my love and I this was the most special place, a place where we laughed and shared and loved each other.

As I toured the sim, it broke my heart to see my pixel alter ego there alone.

Poignantly, Imagine by John Lennon was playing in the background I mourned for you and for what we had shared.

My tears flowed ,my throat ached and it felt like losing you all over again.

Our journey together lasted for Eighteen months and I will cherish and preserve those memories for ever.

I met you and I loved you. I miss you and I will always love you.

Goodbye my love, you made me a better person.

Ok now I am going to have a good cry and eat some chocolate.

Never can say Goodbye

Recently there seems to have been a mass exodus and pseudo exits from my friends and acquaintances in SL. Profiles have displayed elaborate goodbye speeches, proclaiming all manner of reasons for the big Goodbye. Some are really gone, some are gone for a wee while and others are back in world within a day/week never again to comment on their failed departure (and yet others probably back with a new persona)

Which begs the question-Is it easy to say a real goodbye to SL?

Deleting all software associated with connecting to the grid would physically stop us from connecting, but there is no software to disconnected our brains from the virtual world and as far as I know will power is still not available to buy in the supermarket.

So I continue to ponder and speculate if and when I go- which form my departure from SL will take.

Maybe this post should have been named Should I stay or I should I go?

On Vacation

My Blogging View Today

I am currently in Orlando Florida-blogging by the pool which is far more interesting than blogging in my dining room I can assure you.

Hopefully a full blogging service will resume when I return, but don't hold you breath as I am decidedly unmotivated to write anything lately

Have a nice day (said in my best fake Floridian accent)

Neko Retro Chic?

When I first came to SL I noticed around the place avi's with ears and tails, being the enquiring kind I ignored this for months, finally I struck up a conversation with one of the be eared kind and was told that they were 'Neko'-nodding wisely and pretending I had the first clue what a Neko was I went on my way.

Over the following years I saw Neko's less and less, replaced I think maybe by the Elves and other pointy eared kind.

But over the last month or so I have noticed again an increase in Neko's. No doubt the stalwart Neko's will throw their arms up in outrage at this statement, but I can only speak (type) as I find.

Which brings me to wonder if I have been in SL for so long that things are starting to come back in fashion-a sobering thought.

..and so to bed

I bid you goodbye Tuesday, you tried your best to be a good day I know that. You peeped through my bedroom window this morning so hopeful and eager, smiled down at the less than inviting resident of the room.

Don't beat yourself up about it the blame sits squarely with me- go home snuggle up to Monday who fared no better than you did oh and don't freak Wednesday out it's not sporting.

Imperfect in a perfect world

The buzz around the coffee machine is that I am impolite and ill mannered-go figure!

What colour is your day? (Substitute he for she and it's my day)

Building work in progress

I am known for the height and thickness of the walls I put around myself in RL and SL.

Recently those walls began to show signs of weakness, the odd crumbling brick here and there, I didn't worry I thought the wall would still hold MISTAKE!!

Unexpected building work is taking place today, please wear a hard hat-sorry for any inconvenience this may cause-and pardon my dust.

First Impressions

Have you ever been avi watching and spotted someone you thought hmm I don't like her or him for some reason? then your brain kicks in and you know that is totally crazy, you can't dislike someone you don't know right?

Recently this happened to me, I had seen this avi around for a while watched them, sl brain saying nope I don't like them, they are full of it etc.

Then out of the blue I got into a conversation with this person and for about five minutes I thought see you were wrong they are indeed an OK person, fast forward ten minutes into the IM and you realise that they are indeed (for me) an unlikeable person.

Five minutes into any conversation I am not telling someone how popular I am, or how fabulous I am or how the world loves me in general.

I wonder if their vanity will make them assume this is about them? or maybe they are so totally wonderful in every way they would NEVER associate this with themselves-I await the outcome.

In this case my first impression was unfortunately right-go figure!

Bank of Second Life

I logged in today with Lindens rattling in my pocket, and my shop till I drop personna firmily in place to find that the public transport had gone belly up, and I was unable to TP any bloody where.

Maybe this is a new savings scheme, hey don't TP out into the world stay at home and play guess what time my skirt will rez, don't spend your ill gotten gains in this world, save them for a rainy sim.

Thank you savings scheme of SL.

A pic, just because I liked it

Moving

I am going to be moving from my little beach front haven, to share with my Sis, so far, we have a beach ball and our dogs rezzed, stylish I hear you say, uh huh!

They say that moving home can be one of the most stressful life events, I know that is in real life, but boy oh boy it turned out to be as stressful in SL too.

All the houses in my inventory were too big, sis had a teacup house (don't ask) you would think that between the two of us and with a combined SL age of 5 years we would be able to find a nice beach house in our over flowing inventories, well surprise, we couldn't.

I went to a sandbox to have a nervous breakdown and try to mod a house to fit, sis went shopping for a floaty white dress, as you can see we are both already pulling in the same direction.

I am logging off to dream about large houses and small land, something Freudian in there maybe.

Procastination

Stands up, Hello my name is Asia and I am a serial procrastinator.

I have such fabulous plans in my head, I am going to be an avid blogger, I am going to be a photographer, I am going to be a designer, I am going to get a sl job, I am going to be a stylist.....pretty sparkly ideas that make me fizz with anticipation yep I am motivated I am logging in now I'M READY.

But like cheap champagne I lose the fizz, little by little my pretty ideas and dreams float away, some random fashion notice catches my eye and off I go, all thoughts of the all conquering Asia lost to the ether.

So hello my name is Asia Romano and today I will stand idly by in a club or paddle through some lag fest of a sale.

I will take over the world later, maybe in a couple of hours, or tomorrow at the latest.

Blatantly stealing the sentiment of some actress in a big frock BUT

"Tomorrow is another day"

ps I do know it was Vivian Leigh btw :)

Here come the brides

I do... (click pics for full size)

The Wedding party

The guests were overcome with emotion (I couldn't resist one silly pic)

The Brides were beautiful

I attended a wedding on Sunday. It was the wedding of Jive and Wren, the service was beautiful and very moving, Congratulations Jive and Wren!

Sister Act

For a long time I did not understand or want to be involved with the SL family thing, I didn't think that I could bond with someone enough to call them 'family' how wrong was I?

I am not blessed with a real life sister and so have nothing to base what sisterly love and loyalty is all about.

I feel I have come close with my second life sister Spirit. She is simply one of the kindest people I have ever met.

Friends

Lately it has become increasingly apparent that I spend more and more time alone in Second Life. I have 20+ friends on my list, I know this is not a massive amount, the question being can I 'class' them as friends? when:

1. I never spend anytime with them
2. I don't talk to them (or them to me) very often.
3. I have no idea what is happening in their (sl) lives