On to day 3 of the 30 days of truth blogger challenge-Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I have a lot of guilt and unresolved feelings attached to my Dad
He died a few years ago. We did not have the closest of relationships because he lived quite a long way from me and because he, like many other men, seemed to forget his children after a divorce, but I really loved my dad and would bend over backwards to try to make him happy and proud of me when I saw him.. My dad had his own personal demons which sometimes effected how he spoke to and treated me.
Things happened, we argued over the phone and the relationship became even more strained,(as my mother tells me I am my Fathers daughter both extremely stubborn) and for two years I hardly spoke to my Dad.
One day I got the call everyone dreads, he was very ill and that I should get to him as quickly as I could. I raced up to Scotland as fast as I could,my Dad was so ill, I almost didn't recognise him. I tried to talk to him but he was heavily sedated and really didn't say much to me at all, I wanted to tell my dad I loved him, but I didn't, shortly afterwards my dad died and I never got to tell him that.
I felt guilty about it for years, did he die not knowing I still loved him ?
Time is a great healer but I miss my dad every day I need to forgive myself for not letting him know that one last time. Deep down in my heart I know he did.
I Miss you very much Dad and I love you xx
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